she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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