Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
