I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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