im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
