i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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