You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
