I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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