If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
