I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
