like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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