I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
