i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
