he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
