I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
im six kinds of drunk right now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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