Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
