3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
