We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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