There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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