The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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