Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
