Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
