I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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