i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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