i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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