I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
