I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
