My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
