Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
