Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I want a musical about memes.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
