I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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