why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
