I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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