She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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