i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
