did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
