Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
