well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize