he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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