No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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