i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
