I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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