i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
