i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
