Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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