fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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