I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
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I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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