i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
