At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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