I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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