wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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