A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
