Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
