I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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