soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
