In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
