sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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