What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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