Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We are all done wearing pants today
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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