He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
