I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
