She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
